i am brilliant

oh boy oh boy oh boy i am excited now because i have found a good idea on the internet just now on what to do to the attention thief if she continues on this course of annoying me that she has set out upon and i do not want to say too much about my wonderful idea but if any of you beautiful people know some other good websites about voodoo i would love to hear from you at my email address.

so gross

so you would think that if there was one thing you would get used to living on a farm it would be the smell right, but you would be very wrong in that thought especially if you did not take into consideration the fact that you have a new baby horse on your farm who does not know yet where he should poop out his poo and who does not realize that though it may not look like much the small red painted wood structure in the corner with the tin roof is where you sleep.

the attention thief and her mother walked around the whole yard today because apparently the attention thief has not stolen enough of what has given her her name and wanted some more of it from all the animals they walked past who yelled out hellos and compliments in abundance and where did the attention thief leave her mark/ no not near the pigs and not around the corner of the barn and if you also guessed out in the field you would be wrong again but if you guessed right in front of my little shack you would be right and i would give you a prize if i had any idea how that could be accomplished.

and now there is a huge funky mess that i do not think the man or the woman have noticed yet despite my attempts to get their attention one of which included me playing dead for an hour a short distance away earlier this afternoon. yes they remembered to feed me again today and yes i again got three meals because they must still feel bad for not feeding me the other day but no they did not notice that i had died right there in the farmyard and i had my tongue hanging out of my mouth and everything and i looked the part of a dead turkey perfectly.

i think i want something very bad to happen to the attention thief but she is already much bigger than me even though she is only a couple of days old and i realize that i am just a turkey and she is a horse but still that kind of thing can hurt an ego if you know what i mean.

google.com

sorry i am back and the man has a belly full of milk i think because that is what he got out of bed to go and get from the kitchen and he did not see me in my clever hiding place of behind the door.

so today as i was saying i found a fantastic website that has changed the way i look at the internet forever and i will tell you about it so that you can use it too and because you have probably never heard of it because i think it is new.

so before every time i used the womans computer i was using the part of her computer that says ‘favorites’, which by the way is spelled incorrectly but that is neither here nor there, and in that part of her computer there was a website on travel and a website for recipes and a website for a newspaper and several other fun places that a turkey like me could spend hours every night at including a website that helps you to build your own weblog which as you can see i have looked at once or twice.

so today i read a news story on the newspaper website and i clicked on a link and it took me to this wonderful page and are you ready for it because i am about to tell you that this page was called www.google.com.  i know it sounds like a funny name but please you have to believe me that you should take a look at this site because this site will help you find things on the internet in case you do not have a womans favorites to keep you busy and you do not feel like typing random addresses to see what will come up which is what i did when i typed www.jazamakloogy.com and by the way nothing came up for that website at all either.

so here is what you do if you want to find something on the internet/

step one go to www.google.com by typing it into the top part of your internet, and you can even just type in google.com i think in case you want to save some time or maybe if your ‘w’ key is broken this is a good idea too.

step two there will be a long empty box on the page under the word ‘google’ and in that box you type in what you want to find so for example if you wanted to find some information about clouds you would type in the word ‘clouds’ and then you click your mouse on where it says ‘google search’ and it will find websites that have the word ‘clouds’ in them.

i am sorry if i am going too fast but please try to stay with me here because it is worth it.

step three then there will be a list of websites and you can choose from that list by clicking on one of the names that is underlined and blue and then it will take you to your page on clouds and good luck i hope you find some stimulating content on that page.

i was very excited to find www.google.com today because now it seems like there is a whole new world out there for an internet savvy turkey like myself and, because i adore all you beautiful people who come to my weblog, i wanted to tell you all about it so that you can also use it and spread the word and with our help maybe we can make www.google.com very popular and i also wanted to tell you about www.google.com because i cannot tell anyone around here because they all just keep talking about the attention thief and www.google.com would not interest them in the least so in the end i want to thank you just for listening so thank you and i will see you here again tomorrow and i am going to bed now so good night.

im sorry

i want to start by apologizing to all you beautiful people out there for my being a whiny turkey yesterday because as it turns out i got fed today not once and not twice but three times although the lunchtime meal was really a very small portion compared to my usual portions but thats okay because i do not need three meals a day not really.

and can i just say that everyone on the farm cannot stop talking about this new baby horse/ it is as if it was the first time anything like this has happened here on the farm and yesterday it made talking to the other animals about important topics like ‘where is my food’ almost impossible and today even the chickens could not talk about anything else and they kept saying how cute the new baby horse is and they kept wondering if she will grow to be as big and strong as her mother.  the new baby horse is named jasmine but to me for the time being at least my new name for it is ‘attention thief’ because that is what it is and suddenly no one wants to hear my stories about greece anymore or help me find biggun.

thats okay though because i have all of you to talk to about my various adventures and today i had a great internet adventure let me tell you because i have found  a fantastic website that has revolutionized my way of using 

glag… someone is coming i have to go.

hungry

oh my goodness i am so hungry right now and have you ever been so hungry that you do not even want to play on the internet any more and you just want to go to sleep so that a new day will come sooner and that day will hopefully have food as a major part of it/ if you have then i think you might know how i am feeling right now.

hypothetical situation

so everything happens for a reason i know but some things are not supposed to be forgotten in favour of remembering other things that might be newer and more exciting and i will give you a hypothetical situation to illustrate what i am trying to say.

lets pretend that the man or the woman who lives down the road from you and who always brings you your food even if you do not think you are hungry does not bring you food one day because a friend of theirs has just recently given birth to a baby horse. lets pretend that that has happened to you and what i want to know is are you supposed to just forgive and forget and be safe with the knowledge that tomorrow they have to remember to feed you because they are better people than the kind of people who would not remember two days in a row/

i am only asking because i am curious and i am doing some research and no it does not have any direct relationship with anything that happened to me today and i am just curious is all.

what a day

oh boy oh boy what a day it has been for this turkey.

i wandered over to the chicken coop this morning because sometimes some of the chickens are good to talk to about the comings and goings of daily life on the farm but other times like today for instance they are just too crazy for words. sometimes chickens just cant seem to stop moving around you know/ i think that somewhere in their tiny brains they associate, incorrectly i might add, forward motion with progress and as such it becomes quite tiring to keep up a conversation with them as they wander this way and that way around the farmyard.

after my ordeal trying to talk to the chickens i had to go and take a nap because i was tired and lo and behold what was waiting for me but a full bowl of food and for those of you have been reading my weblog i will share with you an inside joke that i wished there was tzatziki sauce on my food and for those of you beautiful people who have not been reading this weblog i suggest you read some older posts and then you will get my joke.

but the strange thing about my food was that i do not normally eat at lunch time but yet there was food for me and i found that i was actually hungry and so i ate and was happy and then i napped.

i could not sleep for long because today we had a new addition to our family here on the farm in the form of a new baby horse. the horse that the man and the woman call ginger had a baby horse today and she was so loud that she woke me up and my word was it ever disgusting to watch that baby horse come out of ginger but yet i could not look away. have you ever had anything like that happen to you/ not watching a horse be born of course because i realize most horses give birth on farms like this one but i mean have you ever seen something and your brain tells you to look away but your eyes say ‘no way brain, you are not the boss of us at this moment in time’ and then you watch it anyway/ well today that happened to me and i did not like it one bit no sir i did not.

it almost made me not want to eat my dinner but if you were here and i was talking to you you would hear that i am putting a stress on the word ‘almost’.

that is all i have for right now but boy oh boy what a busy day it has been on the farm.

a tree inside///

so this is a new thing. the man and the woman have brought a tree inside the house and they have put lights on it and it is now glowing behind me because they have left the lights on it turned on and they have attached all these small plastic things to it like a dog and a white and red striped cane times like a million of them as well as some stars.

i have never seen such a thing as a tree inside. what is next, bringing in the chicken coop/ hahahaha

i came in to quickly check my email to see if i had any news about my friend and i have had none but i thought you would like to know about the tree inside because it is a very funny thing to see.

australia

so the womans keyboard is frustrating me because i look down at it and see the capital letters printed on the top of the keys and i hit the keys but only little letters come up on the screen and i do not know how to make capital letters also every time i want to type a question mark i get one of these lines / so i realize i am being a bad grammar turkey as far as punctuation is concerned but please bear with me on this learning curve i am curving on.

and a few more things about greece’

they speak greek there and many people also speak english and french or so i learned from a website although i do not know what french is or where else it is spoken so if i ever go to greece i hope i can do okay with the english i have thus far learned.

and did you know that there was a city called sydney and it is in australia and it is said to be the worlds largest greek city apart from athens which is a city in greece, athens is. so maybe if i cant go to greece for some tzatziki sauce i can get it in this australia place which, since it begins with an ‘a’ makes me believe it is closer.

waiting

i am waiting and i have not had any comments or any emails at my email address about my friend.

is anybody out there reading this/

biggun is missing

i have been so wrapped up in learning so many new things my turkey brain is getting so easily distracted and last night when i was learning and writing about greece i should have been asking you about my friend biggun because here are the clues that i have to his disappearance and maybe you can help.

he was last seen being taken into the other smaller barn across on the other side of the yard.

he was being carried by the man

he never said goodbye because everything happened so quick

i never saw him come out of the other smaller barn and neither have any of the other animals, i know because i have asked around.

this is not the first time a turkey has gone missing, some of the other animals tell me. when it starts to get cold every year, a turkey goes missing, but i am new to this and biggun was the only other turkey i have ever met and now it is just me.

i am hoping that someone out there is able to tell me what might have happened to my friend and how i can get him back.

greece

so i have been on the internet for the last little while and boy oh boy is there ever a lot of information out there about everything and everything you might want to find information about.

for example did you know there is a place called greece/ well there is and it is a beautiful place too and it is full of gods and the like and the food looks delicious too and it looks much much better than the food that i get here at the farm and i found one website with recipes and there is this sauce called tzatziki sauce that i would like to put on my dinner but i do not think the man or the woman know where to buy it.

that is what i know about greece so far and i will update you if i find out any more interesting things about it. that is a promise from me to all of you.

my friend

there is so much to read and see on the internet that i am getting distracted but before i tell you about any of my distractions and distracted thoughts i want to tell you about my friend who is missing.

he has been missing for just over a week now and he is a brown turkey just like myself and his name is biggun. even though he wanted his name to be something more normal like frank or henry, every time the man saw him he said he was a biggun and so the name kind of stuck. it is like how i wish my name was gary but the woman calls me goebbels and her voice is louder than mine in that the animals on the farm listen to her more than they listen to me, so i am goebbels and he is biggun and he has been missing for a week and a couple of days.

i have some clues to his disappearance and if i share them with you maybe you can help me solve the mystery and find him/

that is a question and i can see the question mark on the keyboard but anytime i hit the question mark key on the keyboard the other shape comes up instead so if you see a / that is me asking a question to you.

uh oh, i hear noises... bye for now.

a proper hello

well there, and can i just say ‘phewf’. i finally have the time to tell you a little bit about myself without worrying about them coming in here and catching me at it and taking away my access to the woman's computer which would upset me greatly.

hello, i am goebbels and i am a turkey and i am only telling you this here and now in case you did not believe the title of my weblog and so that you are not confused when i start to tell you more about my life in the future and you notice that it is different from your life in more ways than two.

i am six months old, male and mostly brown and i learned my english from a very smart pig who, sadly, died last month from something going awry in his stomach. i only started to use the computer a couple of days ago and i have already learned how to type and how to use the internet in that short a time although it has been a very busy week learning those two things and my neck is also a little sore.

i am trying to find my friend who has disappeared and the rooster told me about the internet and told me that that is where people go to find things and sometimes friends too, so here i am and after i tell you a bit more about myself maybe you can help me find my friend.

my first thing on the internet was getting an email address and you can email me at my email address from your email address by looking at the words at the side under where it says ‘i also have an email address’ to see what my email address is so you can email me from your email address.

my second thing was to get this weblog, which is a thing you might not have ever heard of because they are very new things, maybe only a month or two in their infancy, but do not feel bad that you do not know about weblogs because i am a turkey who is on what they call the cutting edge of technology. i am not saying i am better than all you beautiful people, i just have a knack for staying on the cutting edge and want to share with you what a weblog is.

i hope to find my friend but i will also write my thoughts here as often as i can, usually late at the night time when the man and the woman have gone to bed because they go to bed early and sleep very heavily because they are farmers, you see. i will write about things i find on the internet and about my own thoughts because lately i get very lonely now that i am the only turkey at the farm and writing things down is better than crying over them.

boy oh boy does typing ever hurt a lot and this has taken a lot of time to put together so maybe i will leave this for now and come back and write some more tomorrow or sometime and i hope you will come back tomorrow or sometime as well and feel free to bring some of your friends along too and i will tell you what it is like to be a turkey in this day and age in case you already do not know that sort of information.

ummm, okay, bye for now i guess. good night all you beautiful people.

oh dear

i have just spent more than half an hour typing out a proper hello and welcome to all you beautiful people and then i erased it by accident and the man and the woman will be back soon from their evening in the town and i have a fear that they will find out my secret of using their internet.

more about me and my weblog later, maybe once the man and the woman are both asleep.

i think i am doing this right

i have to hurry because this has taken me a great deal longer to set up than i thought it would and i have a fear they will wake up soon. i am just learning about computers, so please bear with me. i am just a simple turkey.