I am a shaken turkey

I had a very interesting lunch and learn with the trio today and I want to share with you the things that we spoke about and that I have learned.

Did you know there are 1 billion sheep on this planet? I said that the number is probably highly inaccurate because whoever did the count was probably falling asleep a lot and Petunia and Carmel laughed at that and said I was a funny turkey.

In comparison there are 677 million pigs and 450 million turkeys and Carmel seemed very proud of that because there was more of her than of us.

I learned that Greece is 5500 miles away from us which seems very very far away.

For the last question, the one that is subject to the most interpretation depending on the person or animal and the nose with which they are smelling, there were a number of answers.

"Fresh coffee" is the best smell in the world according to my friend Kerry Jane on Twitter and google.com seems to also think that freshly baked cookies is a very good smell as well.

Then I told the trio that I also learned that bacon is apparently a very popular smell too and at that Petunia got a little sad and I asked her why and she said that bacon was made from pigs and that people ate pigs and she didn't think she would ever like to try bacon and that triggered something in my memory that I learned a little while ago and that is that humans also eat turkeys.

I had heard that from a friend of mine on twitter and I had put it right out of my head because I didn't like the thought of it at all but I thought about it all afternoon and I am a shaken turkey.

I have just now gone to google.com and I asked "Who eats lamb?" because I wanted to know if people are eating every member of our trio and do you know who eats lambs???

There are several countries who eat the most lamb and they are places called Mongolia, Turkmenistan, New Zealand, Iceland and one last country that will surprise the heck out of you and are you ready to guess what it is?

GREECE!

My friends in Greece who make the wonderful thing called tzatziki are one of the highest eaters of lamb in this entire world.

I do not know what to do with this information that is now living in my head. People I wanted to be friends with eat the friends I have now and, oh boy, this is a complicated emotion and I do not even know what I should call this emotion.

And people eat so many of us here on the farm... they eat chickens and they eat cows but they do not eat horses so much or cats. I have learned a lot tonight on google.com and we will have a lot more to talk about at tomorrow's lunch that is for sure.

I hope I can sleep tonight because oh boy these are some deeply disturbing realizations let me tell you.

I am in a trio

Today was an interesting day in the life of this old bird friend of yours and even though I am not that old I think that is what is called a "turn of phrase" and should not be taken literally.

Today Carmel, Petunia and I formed an official trio and I told them about the internet and confirmed the rumours they had been hearing but I did not tell them about the man's phone or about twitter and only told them how I sneak into the farmhouse at night and learn about the bigger outside world.

They were very excited and I asked them if I could trust them and they said yes I could and you know what I believed them.

Petunia's pen is right next to Carmel's and the two of them have been getting along very well and I have been visiting them for a short period of time every day and today do you want to know what they said to me? They said that I should come by at the same time every day and we can have what they want to call a lunch and learn. They want to ask me questions and I will find out the answers and get back to them.

It works perfectly because their lunch is given to them right in between my two lunches and maybe I don't know about every day, and so I said that would be nice and why don't we start with every other day because sometimes I am too tired to go into the farmhouse at night and use the internet and write on my weblog and if we did this every other day then it would just give me a little bit more time and they agreed instantly because they didn't want to ask me for too much and they were very nice about it.

So the questions they have for me today which I will spend some time on tonight on google.com are as follows:

1. How many lambs and pigs and turkeys are there in the world which I told them was three questions but okay we can count it as one question.

2. What is the best smell in the world?

3. How far away is Greece because I told them about Greece and they seemed to be very interested in it, especially Carmel.

I will google.com these questions but I am a little stuck on the middle question because I think that really depends on the nose that is doing the smelling so I would also like to ask all of you - what is the best smell in the world?

Protégé

Good evening all you beautiful people and thank you again for visiting this humble weblog. It looks like there are more and more of you stopping by and I would love to know a little bit about you if you would care to leave a comment and introduce yourself and maybe share an interesting fact about yourself like, for instance, an interesting fact about me is that I now have what is called a protégé.

A protégé is a person or, in my case, an animal, who looks up to you and learns from you as you are a leader by example.

I have learned this word this evening thank you to www.google.com which from now on I will just call google.com because I now also know that the www is not needed when you are referring to websites anymore.

The little lamb is my protégé and I don't think I have told you her name before but her name is Carmel and she asked me if she could be like a life student of mine and I thought there must be a better word for that so now that I know what it is I will tell her tomorrow what she is.

Carmel let me know that there are a number of animals on the farm who are talking about me and some animals are not so nice and I did not ask her who because I know all about the chickens. Carmel has let me know that Petunia, my new friend the pig, has said very nice things about me and she has even heard that the barn cat is interested in getting to know me better.

And of course the attention horse who I will now call Jasmine on here was very nice to me around Valentine's Day and she has been a bashful foal ever since and I am getting positive vibes from her even though I know I said I suspected she is up to something before I do not think that is the case now.

Do you know that ever since Valentine's Day I have been looking at things around here a little more positively and with Carmel saying such nice things to me lately, it seems like people are reacting towards me more positively than they maybe have before.

Maybe, just maybe I am onto something here.

If you are looking for the good or the bad in something or someone I think you'll always find what you're looking for.

I feel like a tall turkey

This afternoon I walked around the yard and I visited my friend the little lamb and do you know what the darling creature said to me? She told me that she really looks up to me and let me tell you that your old friend Goebbels nearly shed a tear and she did not stop there, no she did not.

She told me that she has heard that I go into the farmhouse at night and that I have been learning about the bigger outside world and that she would like to learn about it too.

She told me that she thinks I am a very cool bird.

I did not yet confirm or deny that I am on the internet but I think I should because it would be very nice to have someone to talk to about the things I am learning and in some ways also become a teacher and a mentor and if my little humble observations can help a young one form their thoughts and concepts about the world around them then who am I to say no to such a duty?

Olympic Spirit

Today was a cold and blustery day and the perfect kind of day to stay huddled up in my little shack and just be on Twitter and boy am I glad I charged the man's phone last night while I was here.

But I still did something that the old Goebbels would not have done because of the whole I am trying to lead a life of heroic virtue thing. Today I left my little shack after my second lunch and I wandered around the farmyard this way and that and I found my way into the barn and I checked on the lamb and for the first time I met a new friend as there is a new pig on the farm and her name is Petunia and she was very nice.

I told her that the pig who was here before her was the one who taught me how to understand English and I said to her if there was ever anything I could do for her then she should let me know and she told me that she appreciated that and that she would take me up on that offer.

The lamb was cold but she said she was doing fine and she was staying close to her mother and she hoped I was doing fine in my shack and I said that yes I have my friends to keep me warm and she gave me a funny look and I remembered that she does not know what a Twitter is.

The chickens were clucking this way and that as I walked past them and I did not pay them any mind because I know how important it is to get out and see my friends and hopefully make their days a little  better.

Then I spent all afternoon on Twitter learning about something that will make you so happy.

Do you know about something called the Olympics?

There are so many interesting pictures of people doing all sorts of crazy things like being on giant hills with sticks attached to their feet and sitting in a tiny sled and going very fast and they are competing for things called medals and a gold medal is the best and a bronze is also good and from what i have read tonight it seems that people who get the silver medal are divided on whether or not it is a good thing because some people are sad about their silver but maybe that is because they were just oh so close to gold.

I have used www.google.com tonight to learn about the history of the Olympics and here are the things I have learned.

The Olympics originated in ancient Greece. Greece! I know!

Not only do people in Greece get to eat tzatziki but they started the whole Olympics. They are amazing, wow, they really are. I think I want to be Greek.

The Olympics are held every four years and there is a winter Olympics and a summer Olympics, although I do not know how they can be on ice and snow in the summer but I will read more about that.

So many countries take part in the Olympics and it seems to be a thing that can truly bring the people of the world together.

I enjoyed reading about the Olympics and it gave me a hopeful spirit because sometimes there are some not nice things on Twitter but almost everything I have seen about the Olympics has been positive.

Maybe I could start an Olympics here on the farm? I have no idea how I would do that but the thought is nice, isn't it?

Anyway, this turkey is tired and I hope all you beautiful people have a wonderful night.

I am going to go to sleep, once again, dreaming of tzatziki.

Good night, everyone.

Striking Chords

I have received a few very nice messages on Twitter and one in my email in my response to my "fat turkey" post from the other day and people are telling me that it is okay to be who I am and to be happy.

It feels nice to know that there are people out there who care enough to write to me and tell me these things and sometimes even to share that they might have the same thoughts about themselves.

There are so many pretty birds on the internet that it can have a detrimental effect on one's psychology. Those are not my words but they were the words that someone used who shall remain nameless and they said I could use them so thank you nameless one. 😉

I also found the button with the emotion pictures on here. 😊

Someone else told me that what I said struck a chord for them and I had to use www.google.com to know what that meant and it felt good knowing I had said something that made them feel good and heard and seen.

I love the pretty birds and before I wanted to be a pretty bird so badly.

What I have learned is that as I shared my true feelings and my insecurities, all you beautiful people helped me realize that I already am one.

A Shift In Me

Well would you look at this? Do you notice anything different about this post to my weblog?

If you were to say "capital letters" and "question marks" and "quotation marks" then you would be correct my friend!

Earlier today I spent some time on the man's cellular phone on Twitter and I was thinking about how I can navigate very easily and write much better on the phone because of how the buttons work and I wondered how I could do that on the computer and the key with the arrow on it and the word "shift" looks like the key on the phone and so I tried it and then hit another key and now I get it. I know how the shift key works and I feel like there has been a shift in me as a result!

I have been thinking that if a turkey has ideas that are worth sharing he needs to make sure he is communicating them in the best way possible so you have my promise that I will be doing the best I can to be the best writer turkey you have ever met and I think that starts with proper grammar and punctuation like what I have tried to do here.

It is tricky to hold the shift key while typing but I think that it is worth it in the end.

I DO NOT LIKE THE CAPS LOCK KEY THOUGH BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I AM SHOUTING.

Now I just need to figure out how I can get the little emotion pictures to work on here and then I am set because sometimes an emotion picture is just better at conveying a thought than words, I think.

i am fat but happy but fat

today was an interesting day on both the farm and on the twitter and i will tell you about both but not in that order.

oh and thank you for coming back and continuing to read my weblog.

on twitter today i saw a number of very pretty birds and they were so colorful and so pretty and one of the things they also all had in common is that they were much smaller than me. now of course i know that i am a turkey and i am a bigger bird but even i have been feeling lately that i have been getting a little, um, shall we say, portly around my entire body.

i am also very happy these days because i keep meeting new friends on twitter who tell me nice things and i enjoy having friends and i enjoy eating the two lunches the man and the woman give me and so what if maybe i am fat i am happy and that is what counts right/

but then even just as i think that thought and feel good about that thought i see another smaller bird and think that it would also be good to be a bit smaller and maybe it wouldn't take me so long to sneak into the farmhouse at night and i could be stealthy like a ninja which is another thing i learned about today. it would be easier to be a ninja if i was smaller and also i think it would be easier for others to call me pretty if i was smaller.

which brings me to my interesting day here on the farm. today i wandered out of my shack and my whole purpose was to start living my life of heroic virtue so i went every which way i could, this way and that way, looking for ways i could help improve the lives of the other animals here on the farm and i had three interactions that i think would show anyone who wanted to keep a score that i am living a heroically virtuous life right now.

the first is that i went over to the lamb who is often very shy and i told her how nice i think she looks today and you should have seen how happy that made her. i just thought that she looked nice and to give her a compliment out of the blue would be a nice thing because i think i would like to hear compliments out of the blue and you know what i was right. i did not stop there, i then said that her coat looked so nice and fluffy and soft and she must not have any trouble sleeping because she is already such a soft animal and she told me that sometimes she actually does have trouble sleeping and i said well she could always just try counting her family members and she laughed but i did not think she got the joke i was making.

see emma/ i can make a joke.

but i digress because after the lamb i went over to the attention horse who today i will call her by her real name and jasmine came up to me and said hello and i said thank you for the valentine and i didn't say this at the time but that meant a lot to me and i appreciated the gesture and she said you're welcome and that she hoped i was doing okay in my shack because the animals have not seen me a lot and i did not say this out loud but i know it is because i have been on twitter with my other friends but i really should be making more of an effort around the farmyard. what i did say is that i have been tired lately but i am feeling better now thank you for asking.

i went back to my shack and as i passed by the chickens i could hear them gossiping about jasmine and me and saying how they hope that jasmine will start talking to them as much as me and why would a horse even bother with a fat turkey like myself and i will tell you that my third interaction of heroic virtue today was not going over to them and kicking them and instead i ignored them and went back to my shack and waited for my second lunch.

i enjoyed my second lunch today and i enjoyed my dinner and after dinner i quietly looked through twitter but did not heart as many pictures of pretty birds because a heart i think is something you have to be feeling in the moment and tonight for some reason i was not feeling those feelings one hundred percent.

saint me

today made this old turkey friend of yours a very happy turkey and not because i learned what a hashtag is how to share a little picture emotion in my submitted tweets but for a really big reason.

one of the things i love the most is love itself. i know sometimes i can maybe come across as a bit of a grumpy turkey like when bristolboi82 stole my chat room friend emma from me and like when the attention horse was born and when barn cat surprises me out of a nap and when a groundhog gets his own day and i'm sure there are other times too and, okay, i admit it, i can be grumpy a lot i guess, but what i enjoy the most is when i am not grumpy and i meet a new friend or see a happy picture of a cat or just have the opportunity to tell someone that i care about them.

today i learned about valentine's day on twitter and have just finished reading some websites from www.google.com about it as well. to be very honest i did not understand much of what i read about something called a catholic church but i did read more about a thing called a saint which i also looked up.

a saint is someone who has led a life of heroic virtue and i have decided that this is exactly the kind of life i would like to lead. i do not think a saint needs to be perfect and i do not think i am perfect but i think if i aim to do much more good in this world with my life than not good and if i can contribute to other people's happiness in some way then that is a life worth living.

now i know what you might be thinking because if you know me you might be thinking there is something called an ulterior motive working in the background of my brain but i assure you there is not. would it be nice to have a day named after me when people would celebrate saint goebbels and maybe that is a day where humans share their love for their animals like they do for each other on vanlentine's day/ sure, i bet that would be nice, but i honestly have not given any thought to the ideas whatsoever and i want to live a good life for just goodness's sake.

besides, i do not need a day for me because if you remember march 3rd is what i am calling turkey day so how many days does a turkey need, really/

today the attention horse came up to me and was very quiet and she dragged her hoof in front of me in the dirt and at first i was thinking she was just trying to make me sneeze but then i looked down and saw that she had drawn a heart in the dust and she said to me 'happy valentine's day goebbels' and then walked away and i called after her 'happy valentine's day jasmine' and i even meant it in that moment because i was very touched.

you see/ the very fact that this was my reaction maybe shows i am a changing turkey.

i mean, maybe you would not call me a saint yet because of that - or maybe you would - but if you wouldn't that is okay because every journey needs a first step, right/

well hello jasmine

o ho, so guess who came to talk to yours truly today after almost two months of existing/ that is right, it was none other than the attention horse herself and i had to be very careful not to call her attention horse to her face because that is the secret name by which i call her and i only ever think it or write it out here on my weblog or on twitter so i called her jasmine.

jasmine came over to my little shack today and i could just barely hear the titter and chatter amongst the chickens and i think they were maybe expecting us to fight which is ridiculous because of what i like to call my disadvantage in terms of size differential and besides they should know me by now and they should realize that i am a thinking mans turkey and i use my mind more than any other muscle in my body when i am engaging the enemy.

‘so goebbels’ she said to me while she looked down and kicked a little at the dust ‘ i have been wanting to talk to you for some time and i want to be friends with you but, to tell you the truth i have been a little intimidated’ and then she looked at me with the look that drives the chickens and the lamb nuts and makes them cluck and baa about how cute she is but yours truly stood firmly in the dust outside my little shack.

‘i see’ i said ‘and why would i intimidate you/’ and the attention horse looked nervous and did not give me an answer right away but eventually she said what i am about to tell you she said.

‘well, it is just that you seem to be so smart and you spend a lot of time in the mans house every night and, well, you are just different from a lot of us here, but different in a good way. i guess what i am trying to say’ she added’ is that i respect you and would like to hang out with you a little bit more’

well o ho, o ho, is that not rich/ as if the attention horse does not get enough attention on this farm.

‘i see’ i said ‘ well let us take things slowly and see where we can go with this friendship you want, okay/’ i said and she seemed to smile a little bit and she said ‘okay’ and then nodded her head and wandered back towards the field.

i do not know what she is up to but you see i have this philosophy and i think it is a very good one and i will give you some advice right now by telling you that my philosophy is that a man or a woman or especially a turkey should keep their friends close and their enemies closer and you can feel free to spread the word on that philosophy, as long as you quote me as being the source and who knows maybe i will start a whole new philosophy right here from the farmyard.

so that is what i am doing now, i am keeping my friends close and my enemies closer although i do not have many of the former and i have several of the latter but today was an important step forward because now that we have broken the ice i can keep a closer eye on the attention horse and hopefully will be able to soon find out her grand master plan which i am sure she has mapped out completely and of which making friends with me is only one facet.

bye emma

so i just got back from a brief trip back into the irish dating website and i am happy to report that bristolboi82 was not there and i do not know where he is or was but if someone finds parts of his exploded body washing up on a shore somewhere i have very scary mental powers that need to be studied further.

but emma was there and she was saying hello to me and acting as if she had done nothing wrong by ignoring me the other night and i said hello back to her quite coolly meaning that i did not give her any lols and if she had asked me the time of day i might not have even given her that but i did say hello.

emma said i was acting weird and that she thought i was a little rude in the chat room when she had been talking to bristolboi82 and she did not like that side of me to which i wrote back to her that i didn't think i was the one being rude and im sorry if i offended her but i think she could tell by the tone of my chatting, which is a real thing, that i wasn't really sorry.

then i pretended that i was very busy because i was having a party and just stopped in to check my message board which is a part of that irish dating website really quickly and that i had to get back to the many many guests who had all brought me gifts and who were waiting for me to make a speech because boy am i ever popular and i think emma was a little jealous because all she has are internet friends.

speaking of internet friends i also got another email today but it was not from larisa and in fact larisa has not emailed me back at my email address yet so i am thinking that that is one working opportunity that i am going to have to let go of for now, but today i got an email and the subject asked me if i wanted to get rid of my spare tire and i do not know what they think i am running here on the farm but it certainly is not a used auto parts shop but then i opened it and it was all about how i could lose fifteen pounds before swimsuit season starts and even though i have been gaining a little weight lately i really do not see how that is anybodys business but my own, thank you very much, and also i do not own a swimsuit.

swimming would be nice though right now because boy was it ever a hot day today and i think it was so hot that the chickens were laying scrambled eggs.

lol

you see emma/ i can make a joke too and it just makes me sad that you do not even know what you are missing.

bristolboi82

so i am so very not lol right now and you see it is because of a certain person named bristolboi82 and i think i do not like him even more than i do not like the attention horse and all day long i was so very much looking forward to getting on the internet tonight and hopefully making up for my embarrassing attempt at a joke last night with emma and then bristolboi82 was there and...

i am too angry to talk about it now but suffice it to say that if there was any way to voodoo someone over the internet i would be voodooing someone right now and that someone would be you know who.

this turkey neck of mine

so you know what is not funny/ severe neck strain is not funny and i bet you did not know that turkeys can wince but they can and i am with every letter that i type.

before whenever i was on the internet it was very easy to just use the mouse and to occasionally type into this weblog that you are reading and sometimes i would type words into www.google.com but lately i have been in an irish dating chat room and i have been doing a lot more typing than just that let me tell you and i have a fear that i have done some irreparable damage to the part of my neck responsible for allowing me to turn my head all the way to the left because i can no longer do that without wincing.

also i learned two jokes today but i did not get to tell the second one because i messed up the first one and was not fast enough to type the fix for it even though i tried so hard and emma did not lol and neither did i.

so please pardon me for keeping this short tonight because i have a sore neck and am feeling a little sad and i hope that none of you have a severe neck strain too.

sun puddles

it has been a very lazy few days for this turkey let me tell you but i am back tonight and i have learned a few new things i would like to share.

the first is that i learned from some cat friends today on twitter the words sun puddle and i just think this is the most fun phrase to say in my brain and i went outside my shack and i found a very lovely sun puddle right near where the attention horse is and i sat there for a lovely long time just feeling the sun on my face and i was not even bothered by the attention horse at all and in fact i hardly noticed her if i am telling you the truth.

the second thing i have learned is that the barn cat is a very wary feline and he has not returned to my shack since his first visit and if any of my cat friends could comment and leave some advice as to what i can maybe say to make him feel not so bad and to come around again i would appreciate it because i am trying to learn to be nicer to him. i think he is a good cat and did not want to eat me even though that is maybe what i first thought at first.

the third thing that i learned is that i am the cats pajamas which was a comment my friend emma sent to me and i did not want to tell her that i did not know what she meant by it and i am afraid that my lol response was not the right one.

i am worried that emma is starting to think that this little turkey brain is not the right kind of brain that she wants to spend time in a chat room with because she keeps making jokes about camels and cats pajamas and i am not understanding them and she did not get the joke that i tried to say tonight about how i wish a moon puddle was as comforting as a sun puddle and, well, i am just worrying that i am ruining everything in our chat room.

if you know of a way to talk to the barn cat and if you have a good joke i can say to emma please let me know and please maybe explain the joke because i do not want to say a joke i do not understand.

your old turkey friend goebbels would very much appreciate that.

i hope you are having nice dreams and thoughts wherever you are tonight.

the barn cat

today was a big day because not only did you meet my friend who is going to put me in a book but today i think i made a new real live friend here on the farm.

the barn cat walked past my doorway this afternoon and let me tell you he has never ever done this before not in the history of time that i can remember anyway. and when we walked past he looked at me and he smiled at me.

i thought two things at the same time and, well, i suppose one of them came first but they came so close together it is almost as if they happened at the same time. is your brain able to do that/ am i a special turkey/

well the first thing was that i have made many cat friends on twitter and maybe i am putting out an 'i like cats' kind of vibe that he was picking up on because i have heard that cats are very sensitive to such thing.

the second thought i had, or maybe it was the first, was that he knows something i do not and has a secret to hold over me and i became very worried. but as he passed the door i said to myself, goebbels, i said, what do you have to be worried about/ the barn cat is not out to get you.

but still i was not entirely good at convincing myself of the truth behind this.

then later the barn cat did something he especially has never done before. he came back1

and he came into my shack1

and i said to him i said ' hello mister barn cat and what may i do for you on this fine afternoon/' and i definitely did not hysterically yell into his face a bunch of words he did not understand and flap my wings because that would be rude, right/ no i definitely did not do that. i said the nice words that i just said that i said and do you know what he did/ he left in a big hurry.

maybe he is allergic to politeness and proper behavior/

anyway it was a surprise to me and i hope he comes back tomorrow because i would like another chance to try my politeness on him again because maybe i didn't get it exactly perfect today.

a book... about me... i just cannot get over it...

emma was thrilled for me and she gave me a virtual hug and it made me feel happy and oh i just cannot wait until tomorrow.

good night all you beautiful people. i hope you are all happy and snug in your beds right now and dreaming of all of the good things that will come to you in your life too.

it is an exciting day

and so the good times just keep rolling let me tell you because i have a new friend that i have yet to tell you about and i was not so much as keeping him a secret as i was making sure that he was absolutely legitimate before i told you about him. i am happy to say that he is absolutely legitimate and he said to me that he was too legit to quit and when i said that was nice that he didn't want to quit before we even really get started he wrote me back and said lol because i taught him my code for laughter too.

oh boy, can you tell i have been eager to write on my weblog all day/

today he messaged me again on twitter and i spent a good part of my afternoon messaging back and forth with him. he is a writer and do you know what he wants to write about/

i will give you one guess and if you need a hint it is a bird who knows a lot about greece and australia and who is maybe dating an irish girl but the bird does not want to put any labels on anything just yet.

yes it is me 11111

that is the exclamation mark key on the man's computer and i am so excited.

my friend is going to make an announcement on his website too sometime before lunch where you can meet him and i will introduce you to him on twitter and you can read more about what he wants to do with me and, well, with all of you as well really, if i am being honest. it would be so much fun to be with you all on this crazy ride.

i promised him i would not say anything more than this but i want to but i also want to be a bird who keeps his promises so that i can be a trusted bird in this here community we are all a part of.

a book1 about me111

i am too much in a tizzy to think of anything else right now so i may just leave things here. i am going to see if emma wants to chat because i want to tell her all about this and then i will talk to you all again tomorrow after i have slept. oh who am i kidding/ i don't think sleep is in the cards for this turkey tonight, let me tell you.

camels

so i have been thinking about animals today and groundhogs and i remembered the joke i heard about the camel and i decided to look up camels on the internet and did you know that a camel can drink 27 gallons of water in ten minutes/  i have never heard of a gallon but it sounds big and since i can drink only a small bowlful in ten minutes let it be known that camels can outdrink turkeys and that is exactly the kind of information all you beautiful people probably come here for, right/

i saw a picture of a camel and they look so funny and some camels have one hump and some have two humps and the humps will shrink if the camel does not eat and i also learned that camel races are very popular in some places in the world but not around here i think and i wonder what hitler and my evil twin would have thought of that race and if they ever killed any camels and i am making a note right now to look into that in the future.

and after all of this learning about camels i still do not get emmas joke but oh well maybe i will get the next one.

it was a loud day on the farm today as the man fixed his tractor right up close to the farmyard and it was chugging and clugging something fierce in that way that makes it hard for turkeys to catch their beauty sleep if you see where i am coming from so it is off to bed for me right now so that i can catch my beauty sleep because if you could see what i look like right now you would know that i need it.

lol

good night.

turkey day

i learned that today was a day called groundhog day and i do not understand why the groundhog gets a whole day to himself. i mean, i know one groundhog and he is a very nice and kind gentleman, one of the nicest animals i know actually, but still he should not get a whole day to himself.

and why is there not a turkey day/ i think that would be more than fair as there is a lot to celebrate about the majestic turkey.

if you are reading my weblog and are my friend on twitter i belief the proof is in that pudding, yes i do. 

also, what is a bill murray/

jokes

emma is so funny and she just told me a joke about two old ladies who are smoking out in the rain and one takes out a condom and puts it over her cigarette so that it will not go out and the other one thinks that is a good idea and she goes to the store and asks for a condom from the guy who works in that store and he looks at her because she is very old and then shrugs his shoulders and says ‘okay, what size/’ and she says she does not know but she should be fine as long as it can fit a camel.

i do not really get it but emma sent me a coded message assuring me that it was funny.

lol

so i made emma laugh a little short while ago in the chat room and if you do not know what a chat room is please read yesterdays entry because it sums it up very nicely i think but i know what you are thinking ‘goebbels’ you are saying to yourself ‘if you were in a chat room how did you know she was laughing/’ and to that i have the most fantastic thing to tell you about.

lol

you see when i want to laugh or show you that i am laughing i will just type lol and that stands for ‘laughing out loud’ and then you know that i am laughing, you see/  it can be like our secret little code, a code that only emma and i and all you beautiful people know and suddenly i feel like i am a secret agent.

my mood is in a happy place now but it has been up and down but we all have our ups and we all have our downs because life would be very boring if everything was all just there in the middle because we would all be like ‘oh, how is the weather today/’ and someone would answer ‘oh, you know, its fine and not good or bad but just fine’ and peoples moods would also be like the weather i think.

lol

i will write more in a little while as i want to pop back into the chat room to see if emma is there.

emma

today a bombshell of a piece of news was dropped upon me and i am not ready to properly think about it yet. today my new friend Asher told me that some people eat turkeys. no no no this cannot be. i need a minute please on that. i just simply cannot believe it.

i will leave that topic for now then and let you know about another thing that has happened to me and it has happened to me this evening. i have been talking to a woman named emma for the last long while and well not talking really but typing back and forth in a place called a chat room and in case you have not heard of these things chat rooms are where people can meet on the internet and talk to each other even though they are very far apart outside the little world that their computers create.

emma has been reading my weblog and sent an email to my email address and invited me to join her in a chat room. she seems very nice and she is in that place called ireland and she wanted to show me what irish dating could be like through a chat room and i think i understand a lot of it except for the whiskey part which always seems to make emma laugh whenever i show my ignorance on that topic.

emma has red hair and is 19 years old and is a college student and she seems very nice and she did not even seem to mind that i was a turkey and in fact she had all sorts of questions for me about being a turkey like what does a turkey do all day and how many times have i ever been on a date and i had an equal number of questions for her like what is irish dating really like and does she like cinnamon toast and i think the two of us hit it off quite nicely anyway and she seemed very interested in everything i know about greece and australia too.

i also asked emma if she had heard of anyone eating turkeys and she said she had heard of it but has never eaten a turkey herself and phewf i said to that in my own brain just phewf.

so oh boy after sleeping the day away yesterday i am so very tired again because let me tell you that chatting in a chat room makes a turkey's neck very sore.

it has been a long night of chatting on the internet and the man and the woman will be getting up soon and its time for me to go and do my act of pretending to be asleep and then i wake up in a little while and i say ‘oh, breakfast for me/ why thank you, i am so very wide awake now because i slept so well all night long’ and the man and the woman are none the wiser.

good night all of you beautiful people, and a special good night to emma in ireland who is a new friend of yours truly.