this is me well sort of

in case you wanted to know what i look like i was just setting up my twitter some more and i added this picture. this is not me because i do not know how to take a picture but it looks a little like me only a little nicer because if you have the chance to choose a picture to represent you why would you not choose a prettier turkey/

 

so much to learn

i just submitted this tweet and it is accurately how i am feeling right now because unlike www.google.com where you have to type in the thing you want to learn about and you get the information you are after, on the twitter website all i have to do is log in and ideas and thoughts and information are already right there for me to read.

this was my tweet from just a moment ago

this outside world is so much bigger than i ever imagined and i am learning so much right now from being a twitter that i fear my brain will explode.

i have so many things to tell you but the man has already woken up once tonight and i am nervous to be here for much longer.

good night all you beautiful people, i will hope to write more to you tomorrow.

have you see biggun/

so when i come into the house now when the man and the woman are sleeping i now have five things to do and oh man does the internet ever take a lot of my time now on these nights.

the first thing that i do is i check my email and i still only have emails from this website and my email website and now twitter and larisa has not written me back either. i have not heard from anyone about where biggun might have gone or about anything else but still i check my email every time i am here.

the second thing i do is see if any of the news headlines on the woman's favourites seem interesting to me and usually they are not but sometimes they are.

the third thing i do now is check my twitter and this is the second night i am doing this and there are a lot of turkeys on there so i am trying to make some friends. if you came here because of my twitter then please welcome and enjoy some of the things i have written so far about greece and australia and voodoo.

tonight i also submitted a tweet asking if anyone had seen biggun so we will see what comes of that.

the fourth thing i do is this weblog and even if the day was kind of boring, like today was, i like to write a thing or two about my days because it is a little lonely being the only turkey on the farm.

and then if i am feeling brave and have not even a sound from the man or the woman, the last thing i do is look at www.google.com for things that might be of interest to me, but i don't think i will do that tonight. i am a tired turkey.

i hope you beautiful people are doing okay because i followed a news link from the woman's favourites and if what i read is correct it seems like there is a lot happening out there in the outside world that is making people sad.

i hope you are not sad.

i am a twitter

i have the most exciting news. what an evening this has been.

i went to www.google.com and typed in 'needing a friend' and, well, let me tell you, some of the things that came up did not seem like my cup of tea at all but then i saw a picture of a bird and i was intrigued and i clicked on it and there is this website called twitter and i was like 'okay google now you are speaking my language' hahahaha

so it was easy to create an account the same way i created this account on this weblog site but with a few differences but nothing my smart brain could not handle and my twitter is the a thing with the circle around it then the words goebbelsturkey.

if you are a twitter too we should become twitter friends and i just submitted my very first tweet to the internet too.

i think it is time i take learning about the outside world more seriously because i do not want to have any repeats of the voodoo plan fiasco. maybe the more i learn about the outside world, the better chance i have of finding biggun, too.

the plan failed

well as you may have guessed i have been a little depressed in the last few days after my failure to obtain the hair off of the attention thiefs tail for the purposes of trying out my newly acquired knowledge of voodoo practices.  the plan fell apart in the very first facet as the chickens did not believe that there was a fox loose somewhere on the farm and thus they would not run to ginger for help and so i was left to try and convince both of the horses myself and i came across very badly in the end as i believe i looked to be quite a crazy turkey and quite possibly crazier than the chickens themselves even appear on their craziest of days.

i have done precious little with my time except to sleep and nap and enjoy my three meals a day in relative peace and quiet and no other plans to take over the farmyard and be the center of attention once again just yet anyway.  the other day was a much needed break from learning about the big outside world because if there is one thing this whole voodoo thing has taught me it is that i do not even know my little outside world as well as i thought i did and the whole experience has been very humbling.

oh well, we live and we learn and sometimes not even in that order.

sad

my plan did not work yesterday and i am distraught and i need to be cheered up something awful.

the plan

so this is my plan and i think it is a good plan and i am going to tell you about it because i sincerely doubt that the attention thief ever uses the internet and even if she did ever use the internet this website is very hard to find, i think, unless she also knows the secret of www.google.com which i do not see how she could.

so my plan involves three parts and i will call them facets.

the first facet of my plan is the distraction facet and i will plant a rumour in and amongst the chickens late tomorrow afternoon when the man is already out in the field and the woman is in her studio doing her art that there is a fox loose somewhere on the farm and that they better be careful and maybe a big horse like ginger could help protect them from the fox because a fox would never attack a horse because of what i like to call the disadvantage in terms of size differential.

so the second facet of my plan is the blending into the crowd part and this will be hard because i am a turkey and the chickens are chickens and in case you have never been to a farm or seen a picture of a farm turkeys and chickens do not look the same but still i am also ‘afraid’ of this ‘fox’ you see because foxes eat turkeys too so i will run around this way and that way frantically as i am assuming the chickens will do because really they are very stupid and i will run up to ginger with them and i will act just as stupid but really i will be preparing for the third facet of my plan which i will explain to you momentarily.

with ginger trying to calm down the silly chickens i will make my way behind the attention thief who is just casually looking on and wondering how she can make them stop talking about a fox and start talking about her again and then i will yell ‘a fox, a fox’ and i will jump up and grab the attention thiefs tail in my mouth and pull really hard and pull out her hairs and throw them to the ground and then i will apologize to her for panicking but i saw a fox on the other side of the barn and would she and her brave mother please go and look for me to calm down my uncalm nerves/

then they will go and i will pick up the hairs that i threw on the ground and run away and then there are no more facets to this plan but instead i will move on to my next plan and if you have been reading my weblog lately then maybe you will have a good idea of what my next plan will be but one plan at a time for now i think.

i think it is a good plan.

oh and one more thing

oh and by the way the attention thief has not done anything too terrible lately but everyone is still talking about her and i can not get a word in edgewise with any of the chickens about anything else but at least the man and the woman have not been forgetting to feed me again and i have been enjoying my lunches in the sunshine as well and today i was even able to nap in the afternoon because the man came out and cleaned around all of my shack and it is nice and neat pretty again.

so now you are up to date and i am going to go and play on another part of the internet now.

voodoo

so woohoo for me because i got my first email from one of you beautiful people although it is not my first email ever because i have another email saying welcome to your new email account and another email saying welcome to your weblog account but those do not count because i believe some nice person was paid to send me those two emails.

but no i got my first real email from a nice woman named larisa and, though i was sad at first because it did not contain any information about voodoo like i was looking for, what the email did contain was an exciting message telling me how i could make money using the internet, as much as 2000 dollars a month which could buy a heck of a lot of tzatziki sauce i am guessing.

but to get the information from her larisa needs my first name and my last name and my email address but i do not understand, larisa, do you not read my weblog and therefore do you not know that my name is goebbels and that i do not have a last name because i am a turkey and that my email address is something you already know because you have already sent me an email one time already/  i believe i have already provided the information you want so i look forward to hearing back from you again soon and thank you so much for your wonderful letter.

so here is what i know about voodoo so far from all of my intensive internet research on www.google.com.

first i read on a website about how i could take some hair from the attention thief and make a little doll that looks like her and then whatever i do to the doll would happen to the attention thief and maybe i will sit on it.

then i read on another website that those who believe in voodoo believe that the universe is all one and that each thing affects something else which is okay with me because i really want to affect the attention thief something awful,  like maybe affect her ability to walk or something so thus far voodoo sounds like it is the right thing for me.

but then i got confused because the second website also told me that, because the universe is one, what you do to another being you are doing to yourself because you actually are the other being and this part i did not like so much because it makes it sound like if i followed my earlier plan i would end up sitting on myself and i know i do not want to do that and so i need some help here please so if you or anyone you know knows something about voodoo please email me and tell me if i will be sitting on myself as well as the attention thief as well as any other important information you think i should know about voodoo and i will be very grateful to you until at least early sometime next week.

finally

hello all you beautiful people. did you think i had disappeared like my friend biggun/ i have not and i am here and i am alive and i thought all the people would never leave this place.

i do not know how long ago it was but i came in here one night to look at the internet and to check my email when the man and the woman should have been asleep and oh boy did i get the surprise of my life when there was another man and another woman sleeping right over here where i am pointing but of course you can not see where i am pointing but where the couch is there was a bed and they were sleeping there and i had to back out very slowly and try not to make any sounds and i do not think i woke them up at all.

i saw them almost every day after that too and they were helping the man and the woman around the farm and they had two kids with them too and oh boy did they ever love to spend time with jasmine and did they even once look at your old pal goebbels no not once.

finally they left and the same day they left i saw the man carry the tree he had inside out of the house, only it did not have any of the little plastic things or stars on it anymore and he put it with the pile of firewood.

i waited a few days before trying to come back in and tonight i have been a daring bird to try but it seems like everything is back to normal around here and the bed is gone and the couch is back and i can continue my internet.

i got my first email too and i am so excited about it 111

i will tell you about it tomorrow though because even though i am daring bird i feel like i am pushing it a bit and so will cut this weblog short today.

goodnight all you beautiful people and thank you for visiting me even though i was away for a bit.