irish dating

good morning to all of you beautiful people it has truly been an excellent day around here. today i made some more new friends from my submitted tweets and i slept almost all afternoon and evening because i was so tired because oh boy is having a cellular phone ever an addictive thing. it is hard to put it down once you start. have you had this same experience/

i woke up this morning with a singular thought in my singular head. haha. i just pictured a two headed turkey. i woke up this morning thinking that it was so nice to have friends again, even if they are friends that i cannot see in my real life with my own two eyes. haha. i just pictured a three eyed turkey.

haha. i just pictured a two headed turkey with three eyes. one head has two normal eyes and the other head has one eye and another covered by an eye patch like a pirate.

but i am getting way off topic here. i think i am a little delirious. too many late nights. i might not sneak into the farmhouse tomorrow night and maybe i will just catch up on some sleep.

but yes, even though i cannot see these friends with my own two eyes they certainly feel real and i have the same feelings as when me and biggun would just sit around and talk about things and try to learn new things from each other.

here is what i learned today.

i learned that vegans eat food without meat and they definitely do not eat otters. that was from my new friend princess luna.

i learned that a canada is a cold place and a big place. thank you gracie and fynn.

i am also a little embarrassed because i learned that irish is a place and so irish dating is when people go out and get food and maybe it is vegan food or maybe not or maybe they go and have a drink or they watch a movie and anyway it is good to have that mystery solved and i do not think the irish dating website i found is my solution for making friends. i think twitter is my solution. twitter is better than irish dating.

i learned that a vaccine is a medicine that helps protect people against diseases and oh boy did that ever get me stuck in a gopher hole. that is what i have been reading about for the last two hours and my conclusion is that i should leave the advice and information of that to people who have spent their lives researching it all instead of me just doing my own research on www.google.com and maybe this is all i will say about it and i will stop this thought right here.

the internet is a beautiful place and there are so many beautiful people. i was warned today in a small way that someone said they hoped people were nice to me but i don't see why anyone would want or choose to be any other way, do you/

6 million

hello all of you beautiful people and i hope you are happy right now because i was happy and this weblog post today is going to show my movement from a happy turkey to a turkey with a heavy heart.

today was a brilliant day and i had my first comment on this weblog - hi annie - i looked up cinnamon toast and it also looks delicious - and then my second comment from a person who likes something called nascar - mental note to learn about that too - and i learned how to reply to comments using my cellular phone - which is my new short version of saying cellular telephone to save time and space.

yesterday and today i remembered what it is like to have friends again which is something i have not had since the pig and biggun both left and it has felt so good.

and i was going to write tonight about remembering that when i remembered that i had also been reading about holocaust remembrance day yesterday and then i further remembered that i wanted to learn what a holocaust was so i have spent tonight reading about it and, oh boy, let me tell you, if you do not know already a holocaust is a very bad thing.

there were these people called nazis and my evil twin - which if you have been reading my weblog you have heard of before - was one of them and the nazis were led by a man called hitler in a place called germany where my new twitter friend the acrocat is from and they were responsible for killing 6 million jews and jews are people and that is what the holocaust was but there is so much more.

i can only count to 19 but even i know that 6 million is a lot a lot a lot of people.

also to my friend the acrocat i know this happened a long time ago and i know that germany is a much better place to be now.

but the holocaust is the saddest thing i have ever read but then on twitter i saw so many people celebrating those who survived and how they would not be here today if it were not for their grandparents and great grandparents surviving. i am feeling so many emotions and i want to give every single person who survived the holocaust and all of their children a big hug and tell them they are amazing and beautiful.

i know i am not a perfect turkey and i have had some bad thoughts as anyone who remembers my voodoo plan from a while ago will know and be able to tell you but i just cannot even think about how bad you would have to be to want to have so many people dead just because they are different.

hitler was so bad man i am telling you he was the worst.

so today i learned that as beautiful as the bigger outside world is it seems it is not all cinnamon toast and tzatziki.

i am a user of cellular telephones

if you have read the title of this post then you will know why i am so excited and i just cannot contain my excitement.

early this morning it was fairly quiet around my little shack so i dared to uncover the man's cellular telephone from my secret hiding place for it under the pieces of hay and when i moved it do you know what i was surprised to see/ a picture of the man and the woman appeared and when i tapped on his face some numbers appeared.

i am a smart turkey and the pig taught me many things including how to count to 19 so i started to count and i pressed 1 2 3 4 5 6 and do you know what happened/ the faces of the man and woman disappeared behind a bunch of tiny boxes and one of those boxes was the familiar blue and white of our friend twitter.

i. know.

how crazy is that///

so i spent some time hitting this and that and i saw that the man is a twitter too but i found a way where i can put my twitter onto his twitter and i can now tweet using the cellular telephone, which if you were following me on twitter today you would have seen while the man was eating his lunch.

i am so excited that i do not have to wait until the middle of the night to submit tweets and read about my friends like mr pawsley who lost some balls today but i still have to be very careful because if one of the chickens passes by or, even worse, the attention horse, and they see me using my cellular telephone they may cause some trouble.

but i am more excited than scared because it just seems like there is so much to learn about the outside world and so many people on twitter gave me hearts today and i have so many hearts to give in return. i will try to learn about the outside world now in the daytime as well.

so many things i want to know.

i want to find out what irish dating is.

i want to find out what a vaccine is.

i want to read more about holocaust remembrance day because a lot of people were writing about that today in their submitted tweets and i want to remember too even though i don't know what a holocaust is.

i want to see pretty pictures of other birds and people enjoying tzatziki.

i want to find my friend biggun.

catching up

here i am but only for a quick minute because last night i spent all my time catching up on this weblog and my emails because i did get another email and this time it is offering me 20 percent off my dream engagement ring but the person did not leave their name so i do not know how to address my reply.

here is a note on email etiquette in case you did not know it - if you want someone to write back to you you should always include your name somewhere in the email.

now tonight i have to go and catch up on twitter and see if anyone there can tell me what irish dating is because i know i do not want to adopt a dog or a cat but i am intrigued about this third option to make friends.

making friends

so when i do an internet search for ‘how to make a friend’ i was told to visit websites about adopting dogs and adopting cats and about joining an irish dating website and i do not know what irish dating is and i do not think i can properly care for a dog or a cat so my search was a short and brief one. 

but just being on the internet again has made me feel a little better about myself because the fact that these other websites exist proves that i can not be the only one out there who is looking to make a friend so even though i feel very alone right now, i am not, if you follow my meaning.

i am a tired tired turkey and i will talk to all you beautiful people tomorrow.

and we are now back in business my friends

so you see i feel like a turkey who has been kept in a bottle for a very long time and then one day to the turkeys surprise the top of the bottle comes off and he is able to squish and squirm his way out and it hurts a little and he wishes he was not gaining so much weight but that is neither here nor there because the main point to all of this is that he is now out of the bottle.

this turkey is able to stretch his wings and look around him and finally explore the bigger outside world that previous to his escape from the bottle was only hinted at but that he always assumed was out there because he was not so silly as to believe that the whole world existed solely around him alone.

but you see the last few days i felt like a turkey who was smashed and crushed and pushed and stuffed back into the bottle because suddenly the bigger outside world was not available to him because of a silly fight between the man and the woman that may or may not have to do with me sitting on a lost cellular telephone and the changes in sleeping patterns that followed the silly fight that have been making the portal to the outside world, and okay lets drop the analogy right now and lets say that the portal is a computer and the internet on it, and this computer has been made inaccessible because the man has been sleeping in just the other room over there.

so instead of learning about the bigger outside world the last few days and greedily ingesting information about everything from greece to my evil twin which is what i have been thinking about renaming a certain mr joseph goebbels, and it is a good name i think, but instead of doing that i have been not been doing that you see/

so anyway, because i do not want to leave you hanging, the man and the woman seem to have settled their differences by remembering how good their sames are and the internet is once more mine for the taking late at night when even the chickens have finally gone to bed.

i have spent the last few days mostly alone in my little shack wondering what to do with this cellular telephone that is so expertly hidden and i have been sad but for no reason i can put my feather on and the reason of no internet in my life does not seem to justify the sadness in full and i do not know why but i have just been a little down lately is all and i think i miss my friend the pig and when he used to teach me english and how he seemed to know so much and right now there are few others here on the farm who can stimulate me intellectually and who i feel comfortable talking to about things that are more important than the sun and the rain and how cute the attention thief is and when do i get my lunch.

i am going to look on the internet now for how others find and make friends because i think when all is said and done maybe the reason i have been so sad, and maybe it is because i am finally getting the chance to put the words somewhere other than in my head here, but i think the reason i have been a little down is because i just want someone to share my sames with.

does that make sense/

i am so excited

so the most interesting thing happened to me today and you will not believe a word of what i am about to say i am sure but trust me it is spectacular.

the man was cleaning up the poop gift that the attention horse gave me and when what do you know out of his pocket came his cellular telephone. i knew it was a cellular telephone because he is on it all the time and i remember the pig saying once 'oh there goes the man on his cellular telephone again' and you know i do not know what came over me but i saw it fall and i saw that he did not notice it and when he took the pail away i went and i sat right on the phone.

he came back a few minutes later and he was looking around on the ground at this way and that way and i pretended to be asleep. i hope you will believe me when i tell you that i am a very good actor and he believed that i was just a snoozing away the afternoon and he eventually walked away.

when he was out of my sight because i kept one eye sort of open even though i was still acting i tried to pick the cellular telephone up with my beak and it was hard but i eventually got it and now i have his cellular telephone in my shack and it is hidden so well under some hay. and not the obvious hay either where you think it would be under but other hay that is just loosely on the ground and would have no business hiding anything.

i don't know what i will do with it but i have it and i feel like the turkey you would have met before i learned all the things i am learning would not have done this.

i think this is what is called personal growth.

vomit

oh is she not the cutest thing you have ever seen/  look at how she is trying to help the man fix the fence and how happy she is when he gives her a carrot and look at how she follows her mother around and i dare you to tell me that she is not precious.

you know, her mother was much the same way when she was young always helping everyone with everything and a heart as big as the whole farmyard and brains too why look at how smart the young one is and how she has already learned a few of the mans simple commands and can you even remember what living here was like before she came along/

and what a pretty name too jasmine is and it makes me feel like the name is coming to me on the very wind itself ‘jasmine’ the wind is whispering to me.

this is what i heard all day today and i think it is time for me to stop hanging around with the chickens because i think i am going to vomit.

i am me

okay so i will make this as simple as possible and it is a list i may add to at some point in the very near future but for right now i present to you reasons why i am unlike the joseph goebbels in world war two germany/

reason the first joseph goebbels had a disease called polio and suffered from a sense of physical inadequacy that tormented him his whole life and goebbels the turkey, who is me, has suffered from a sense of physical inadequacy only once and it was when the attention horse was born and i was too small to do anything about it but i am over that now so one for me.

reason the second joseph goebbels used his powers of persuasion and his ability to create powerful propaganda against men and women running in the other race whereas goebbels the turkey only uses those powers for good and nobody will die and if i lose the race well then i will be mad but not forever i think.

reason the third on may the tenth in 1933 joseph goebbels burned a lot of books in a place called berlin which i think is in germany and you would not catch goebbels the turkey burning a book, no siree, no you would not, because i love books and even if i do not understand what i am reading which is the case with this one book the man has on his shelf which is called the holy bible and it is filled with strange words and far too many names and so my point is that even if i do not understand or like the book i would not burn it, not even the holy bible.

so there are three reasons at the least and boy is this ever interesting stuff i am reading about and i hope all of you beautiful people can see the difference between this goebbels and the joseph goebbels from germany in the second world war because we really are very different.

and after all of that i still do not know what a reich is, or a reichstag either which is a new word i read today and looks like it could be similar but knowing my luck with words it is probably very different.

the other goebbels

oh dear oh dear oh dear this will not do at all.

you see i was playing around the other night on www.google.com and i suddenly became curious if anyone in the bigger outside world knew who i was so i typed in my name ‘goebbels’ into the box on that site like i told you about last week and i hit google search and you will never guess what came up.

well there was a website about a man named joseph goebbels and they called him the mastermind of the third reich and while i do not know what a reich is, or what happened to the first and second ones, to be a mastermind of anything sounds pretty good to me and i was filled with a sense of pride because i shared the name with this man and when the man and the woman named me and when they painted my name on the little shack in which i sleep they must have been aware that i have true mastermind potential which i think we all know is obvious and is a foregone conclusion.

so i decided to read some more to see if i had anything further in common with joseph goebbels.

so did you know that there was a thing called the second world war and a man named hitler and from all accounts i have been reading hitler was not a very nice man at all in that he did not like men and women known as jews and believed greatly in preserving the aryan race.

now i do not understand what is so important about a silly race that he would want to kill anyone to help preserve it i mean so what if another man or woman runs in a different race, why does one race have to be better than the other race/  and if you do want to see which race is better and who is the fastest you should just make the winner of your race run against the winner of the other race because killing everyone who runs in the other race just seems very mean and unsportsmanlike i think.

so anyway back to how the second world war relates to me.

so joseph goebbels, it seems, basically helped make the men and women in a place called germany believe that what they were doing was the right thing and that killing the other men and women was okay and then there was that reich thing that he masterminded and they almost got away with it but then there was a man from a place called britain who was named after a cigarette company who helped to stop him.

i do not understand everything just yet, but from the tone of the websites i have been looking at i do not get the impression this joseph goebbels character was a nice man either and that is the point that i referred to in the beginning of my post when i said that it would not do at all because this goebbels, this turkey right here whose words you all are reading, is a nice goebbels i think.

anyway i will research and educate all you beautiful people some more tomorrow for right now i am very tired and need to sleep and if anyone knows what a reich is and where i can get one to practice masterminding on please email me at my email address.