i am a user of cellular telephones

if you have read the title of this post then you will know why i am so excited and i just cannot contain my excitement.

early this morning it was fairly quiet around my little shack so i dared to uncover the man's cellular telephone from my secret hiding place for it under the pieces of hay and when i moved it do you know what i was surprised to see/ a picture of the man and the woman appeared and when i tapped on his face some numbers appeared.

i am a smart turkey and the pig taught me many things including how to count to 19 so i started to count and i pressed 1 2 3 4 5 6 and do you know what happened/ the faces of the man and woman disappeared behind a bunch of tiny boxes and one of those boxes was the familiar blue and white of our friend twitter.

i. know.

how crazy is that///

so i spent some time hitting this and that and i saw that the man is a twitter too but i found a way where i can put my twitter onto his twitter and i can now tweet using the cellular telephone, which if you were following me on twitter today you would have seen while the man was eating his lunch.

i am so excited that i do not have to wait until the middle of the night to submit tweets and read about my friends like mr pawsley who lost some balls today but i still have to be very careful because if one of the chickens passes by or, even worse, the attention horse, and they see me using my cellular telephone they may cause some trouble.

but i am more excited than scared because it just seems like there is so much to learn about the outside world and so many people on twitter gave me hearts today and i have so many hearts to give in return. i will try to learn about the outside world now in the daytime as well.

so many things i want to know.

i want to find out what irish dating is.

i want to find out what a vaccine is.

i want to read more about holocaust remembrance day because a lot of people were writing about that today in their submitted tweets and i want to remember too even though i don't know what a holocaust is.

i want to see pretty pictures of other birds and people enjoying tzatziki.

i want to find my friend biggun.

catching up

here i am but only for a quick minute because last night i spent all my time catching up on this weblog and my emails because i did get another email and this time it is offering me 20 percent off my dream engagement ring but the person did not leave their name so i do not know how to address my reply.

here is a note on email etiquette in case you did not know it - if you want someone to write back to you you should always include your name somewhere in the email.

now tonight i have to go and catch up on twitter and see if anyone there can tell me what irish dating is because i know i do not want to adopt a dog or a cat but i am intrigued about this third option to make friends.

making friends

so when i do an internet search for ‘how to make a friend’ i was told to visit websites about adopting dogs and adopting cats and about joining an irish dating website and i do not know what irish dating is and i do not think i can properly care for a dog or a cat so my search was a short and brief one. 

but just being on the internet again has made me feel a little better about myself because the fact that these other websites exist proves that i can not be the only one out there who is looking to make a friend so even though i feel very alone right now, i am not, if you follow my meaning.

i am a tired tired turkey and i will talk to all you beautiful people tomorrow.

and we are now back in business my friends

so you see i feel like a turkey who has been kept in a bottle for a very long time and then one day to the turkeys surprise the top of the bottle comes off and he is able to squish and squirm his way out and it hurts a little and he wishes he was not gaining so much weight but that is neither here nor there because the main point to all of this is that he is now out of the bottle.

this turkey is able to stretch his wings and look around him and finally explore the bigger outside world that previous to his escape from the bottle was only hinted at but that he always assumed was out there because he was not so silly as to believe that the whole world existed solely around him alone.

but you see the last few days i felt like a turkey who was smashed and crushed and pushed and stuffed back into the bottle because suddenly the bigger outside world was not available to him because of a silly fight between the man and the woman that may or may not have to do with me sitting on a lost cellular telephone and the changes in sleeping patterns that followed the silly fight that have been making the portal to the outside world, and okay lets drop the analogy right now and lets say that the portal is a computer and the internet on it, and this computer has been made inaccessible because the man has been sleeping in just the other room over there.

so instead of learning about the bigger outside world the last few days and greedily ingesting information about everything from greece to my evil twin which is what i have been thinking about renaming a certain mr joseph goebbels, and it is a good name i think, but instead of doing that i have been not been doing that you see/

so anyway, because i do not want to leave you hanging, the man and the woman seem to have settled their differences by remembering how good their sames are and the internet is once more mine for the taking late at night when even the chickens have finally gone to bed.

i have spent the last few days mostly alone in my little shack wondering what to do with this cellular telephone that is so expertly hidden and i have been sad but for no reason i can put my feather on and the reason of no internet in my life does not seem to justify the sadness in full and i do not know why but i have just been a little down lately is all and i think i miss my friend the pig and when he used to teach me english and how he seemed to know so much and right now there are few others here on the farm who can stimulate me intellectually and who i feel comfortable talking to about things that are more important than the sun and the rain and how cute the attention thief is and when do i get my lunch.

i am going to look on the internet now for how others find and make friends because i think when all is said and done maybe the reason i have been so sad, and maybe it is because i am finally getting the chance to put the words somewhere other than in my head here, but i think the reason i have been a little down is because i just want someone to share my sames with.

does that make sense/

i am so excited

so the most interesting thing happened to me today and you will not believe a word of what i am about to say i am sure but trust me it is spectacular.

the man was cleaning up the poop gift that the attention horse gave me and when what do you know out of his pocket came his cellular telephone. i knew it was a cellular telephone because he is on it all the time and i remember the pig saying once 'oh there goes the man on his cellular telephone again' and you know i do not know what came over me but i saw it fall and i saw that he did not notice it and when he took the pail away i went and i sat right on the phone.

he came back a few minutes later and he was looking around on the ground at this way and that way and i pretended to be asleep. i hope you will believe me when i tell you that i am a very good actor and he believed that i was just a snoozing away the afternoon and he eventually walked away.

when he was out of my sight because i kept one eye sort of open even though i was still acting i tried to pick the cellular telephone up with my beak and it was hard but i eventually got it and now i have his cellular telephone in my shack and it is hidden so well under some hay. and not the obvious hay either where you think it would be under but other hay that is just loosely on the ground and would have no business hiding anything.

i don't know what i will do with it but i have it and i feel like the turkey you would have met before i learned all the things i am learning would not have done this.

i think this is what is called personal growth.

vomit

oh is she not the cutest thing you have ever seen/  look at how she is trying to help the man fix the fence and how happy she is when he gives her a carrot and look at how she follows her mother around and i dare you to tell me that she is not precious.

you know, her mother was much the same way when she was young always helping everyone with everything and a heart as big as the whole farmyard and brains too why look at how smart the young one is and how she has already learned a few of the mans simple commands and can you even remember what living here was like before she came along/

and what a pretty name too jasmine is and it makes me feel like the name is coming to me on the very wind itself ‘jasmine’ the wind is whispering to me.

this is what i heard all day today and i think it is time for me to stop hanging around with the chickens because i think i am going to vomit.

i am me

okay so i will make this as simple as possible and it is a list i may add to at some point in the very near future but for right now i present to you reasons why i am unlike the joseph goebbels in world war two germany/

reason the first joseph goebbels had a disease called polio and suffered from a sense of physical inadequacy that tormented him his whole life and goebbels the turkey, who is me, has suffered from a sense of physical inadequacy only once and it was when the attention horse was born and i was too small to do anything about it but i am over that now so one for me.

reason the second joseph goebbels used his powers of persuasion and his ability to create powerful propaganda against men and women running in the other race whereas goebbels the turkey only uses those powers for good and nobody will die and if i lose the race well then i will be mad but not forever i think.

reason the third on may the tenth in 1933 joseph goebbels burned a lot of books in a place called berlin which i think is in germany and you would not catch goebbels the turkey burning a book, no siree, no you would not, because i love books and even if i do not understand what i am reading which is the case with this one book the man has on his shelf which is called the holy bible and it is filled with strange words and far too many names and so my point is that even if i do not understand or like the book i would not burn it, not even the holy bible.

so there are three reasons at the least and boy is this ever interesting stuff i am reading about and i hope all of you beautiful people can see the difference between this goebbels and the joseph goebbels from germany in the second world war because we really are very different.

and after all of that i still do not know what a reich is, or a reichstag either which is a new word i read today and looks like it could be similar but knowing my luck with words it is probably very different.

the other goebbels

oh dear oh dear oh dear this will not do at all.

you see i was playing around the other night on www.google.com and i suddenly became curious if anyone in the bigger outside world knew who i was so i typed in my name ‘goebbels’ into the box on that site like i told you about last week and i hit google search and you will never guess what came up.

well there was a website about a man named joseph goebbels and they called him the mastermind of the third reich and while i do not know what a reich is, or what happened to the first and second ones, to be a mastermind of anything sounds pretty good to me and i was filled with a sense of pride because i shared the name with this man and when the man and the woman named me and when they painted my name on the little shack in which i sleep they must have been aware that i have true mastermind potential which i think we all know is obvious and is a foregone conclusion.

so i decided to read some more to see if i had anything further in common with joseph goebbels.

so did you know that there was a thing called the second world war and a man named hitler and from all accounts i have been reading hitler was not a very nice man at all in that he did not like men and women known as jews and believed greatly in preserving the aryan race.

now i do not understand what is so important about a silly race that he would want to kill anyone to help preserve it i mean so what if another man or woman runs in a different race, why does one race have to be better than the other race/  and if you do want to see which race is better and who is the fastest you should just make the winner of your race run against the winner of the other race because killing everyone who runs in the other race just seems very mean and unsportsmanlike i think.

so anyway back to how the second world war relates to me.

so joseph goebbels, it seems, basically helped make the men and women in a place called germany believe that what they were doing was the right thing and that killing the other men and women was okay and then there was that reich thing that he masterminded and they almost got away with it but then there was a man from a place called britain who was named after a cigarette company who helped to stop him.

i do not understand everything just yet, but from the tone of the websites i have been looking at i do not get the impression this joseph goebbels character was a nice man either and that is the point that i referred to in the beginning of my post when i said that it would not do at all because this goebbels, this turkey right here whose words you all are reading, is a nice goebbels i think.

anyway i will research and educate all you beautiful people some more tomorrow for right now i am very tired and need to sleep and if anyone knows what a reich is and where i can get one to practice masterminding on please email me at my email address.

turkey farms

hello all you beautiful people and i am sorry if you have been visiting here the last two days and were hoping to be hearing from me and then you saw that i had nothing new to say and i hope you were not too disappointed is all i am saying because this turkey needed to take a break.

i am back and i am excited about turkey farms and turkey farmers. do you know there is such a thing/ a farm where they focus only on the turkeys and not on things like a baby horse.

oh boy the attention thief has been on parade around here let me tell you. everything is jasmine this and jasmine that. the chickens talk about her like she is their queen and i haven't said two words to her yet because she keeps pooping near where i have to sleep and oh boy the smell.

i bet she thinks i am a grumpy turkey but i am not grumpy i just do not need to smell your poop you attention thief. or maybe i should just call her attention horse. oh man how i do not like attention horse.

but i am easily distracted because i wanted to tell you about turkey farms.

i am following some nice turkey farmers on twitter and i am nervous to submit a tweet to them because i do not want their turkeys to think that i am stepping on their toes but i am jealous that they get the attention that i am craving here.

from what i have been able to tell, these places are good places. at first i thought they were bad places because it seemed like there might be bad things happening, like turkeys going missing like my friend biggun but i think that after i have read some more, how bad could a place be if they feed you lots and make sure you are comfortable and they give you something called freedom of range which sounds good even though i am not too sure what range is or how i would use it but i am pretty sure my range is not free here although i do have internet access so maybe that is something.

i am less and less happy here without biggun. i miss him.

and the more i learn about what is out there, the more i want to visit it.

this has been a late night and i am one tired turkey

hello all you beautiful people and thank you for visiting my weblog and reading my words and i hope that you have had happy days.

my mind is so full of new thoughts that i can hardly begin to process them. in the last two days i have seen so many other birds on twitter and i have even made two new friends on twitter and one of them is a cat if you can believe it/

i have not talked about the cat here on the farm too much because she mostly keeps to herself in the big barn and we don't have too much in common and she is always licking herself whenever i do see her which is weird to see but at the same time i wish i could do it. is that weird of me to think about/

i am a little nervous about some of the information i have started to see about farms in other places, specifically turkey farms and turkey farmers. i am not one hundred percent sure of everything just yet but my suspicions make me uncomfortable so instead i searched for tzatziki and oh boy does it look as yummy as i had thought it does. i bet turkeys in greece get it all the time on top of their meals.

i am a tired turkey and i think i will not come in here tomorrow night because i need to decompress and also think about a few of the things that i have learned.

i will share my thoughts when i am ready you can be absolutely certain of that my good friends. if there is one thing this turkey is not it is shy.

to all my new friends i hope you have the most wonderful of days ahead of you.